0105; das leben fängt jetzt erst an

Endlich habe ich es wieder geschafft! 

Die Motivation diesen Blog weiter zuschreiben überkam mich vor einigen Tagen. Die Pause war nun wirklich lang genug und ich fühle mich schlecht deswegen. Durch Zufall habe ich mich an diesen Blog erinnert und als ich ihn mir ansah hat es mich wirklich glücklich gemacht. Nun möchte ich wirklich weiter schreiben. Einfach für mich. Nachvollziehen was ich so gemacht habe und was ich dabei gefühlt habe.

Mir ging es wirklich nicht gut. Viele verschiedene Gründe die mich bis ans Ende gebracht haben. Mir geht es besser. Nicht gut aber viel besser. Es hat sich einiges verändert. Das schmerzt und ist wunderschön (lol).

Ich habe meine Ausbildung zur dermatologischen Kosmetikerin und Wellnessberaterin letzten Herbst begonnen und es macht mir immer noch unglaublichen Spaß. Es war nie wirklich das, was ich machen wollte aber jetzt bin ich mehr als zufrieden, dass ich mir diesen Beruf ausgesucht habe. Als Zusatzausbildung habe ich im Februar ein Seminar zur Visagistin gemacht.

Meine gesamte Ausbildung mache ich an einer Kosmetik Fachschule in Essen. Das alles war mit großer Angst verbunden aufgrund meiner vorherigen Erfahrungen. Teils hat sich diese Angst bestätigt aber ich kann wirklich besser damit umgehen. Ich freue mich wirklich über diese wichtige Entscheidung.

Ich fühle das zum ersten mal in meinem Leben. Ich bin stolz. Es ist so ein schönes Gefühl 'etwas' zu können, das ist einfach unglaublich. Manchmal falle ich zurück in meine alten Gewohnheiten und das macht mir das ganze nicht gerade leicht, aber ich gebe weiterhin mein bestes und werde das zu 120% durchziehen!

Außerdem habe ich zwei wirklich unglaublich tolle Menschen kennen gelernt. Juli und Julia.

Beide habe ich im Internet über Dir en grey kennen gelernt hahahahaa

julia, ich, juli - im kyo hoodie ♥

a post i never finished... 

i still want to post it because it brings memories back. 

i will be running a new blog soon.

see you then!6

0103; moving out & dir en grey's gig

Hello gays!

So again i didn't update for some weeks. But I can actually tell you why I'm taking so much time to post. I moved away from home! Yes yes that sounds scary, espeacially in my age!

Now I live in Bochum in a shared appartment. I'm quite happy here. Trainstaion andI'm really busstops are really near and the people here are pretty nice too (sometimes). Ofcourse I'm a sad that i left my family.. but I really think this was the right decision for a happy future. My family moved quite far away now and i can see them just once a month. I miss you, everybody there.

in the middle of moving ; in my old room

shortly after moving ; in my new room

I wanted to move already a long time ago. I don't really want to speak about the reasons but I just wasn't happy about anything anymore. So I searched for a good place to live. I wanted to stay near my boyfriend and my friends. In that case Bochum is the perfect location for me. Then I finally found a really good apappartment.. but since I'm underaged it's not that easy to just move where you want to. (fuck this shit)

I lost all my hope and was sure that I can't do anything ever. But somehow I was lucky and I was able to move to my chosen place!

I'm really feeling a lot better now. Sometimes I'm very sad and afraid that it was wrong to leave. But I guess that is a normal feeling. I'm still having a real hard time but after all I'm happy that I can start my own life from now on.

So wish me luck that I will get better and finally success in something!

 Here are again some random pictures of myself. :--D The right one was my outfit for Japanday 2013 where I went with my friend Tinka. It was pretty boring this year so I don't have to write or show you guys anything about it.

After all the stress I wanted to do something good for myself and so I went to DIR EN GREY's concert on 11/06/2013! It was the best concert I ever went to. (I didn't go to many...) Seriously, it was just amazing. Sadly I couldn't really enjoy it because other horrible things where going on at the same time. But after all it helped me to free myself (if that is understandable:--D). I'm sure that this was what I needed to become a little happier. Also it was lovely to meet old friends and also some new people! Thank you Nana and Santi for spending this day with me! 

my outfit for the gig

weird picture

amazing music - amazing band - amazing people

Here is the merch that I bought there. I'm so in love with that bag. I'm wearing it almost everyday since then. The tshirt is a bit weird but i still love it aswell!

why is there a heart on my genitals

the lovely bag ♥

Hopefully I will update very soon. I have more motivation and more time now so I will keep going.

Thank you for reading!

LOVE, SARA ♥

0100; why do i even have this blog

Hey gays! ♥

Sorry, sorry, sorry again for not posting. I've been very busy during the last weeks/months. So I didn't really have neither the time nor the motivation to write anything about myself. 

Lately I've been pretty down and I'm not feeling very well. There are many important things about my future which are bothering me the whole time. A little time-out wouldn't be bad but it's quite impossible to leave the problems alone.

I can already tell you guys that I'll be moving out from home pretty soon. Nobody knows when it will happen but hopefully (very) soon. It could be this week or in 2 months.

On the other hand there is a lot stuff about school and job which is making me anxious. 

I have never been the person with lots of motivation or optimism but since 2013 I've lost almost all of these things. I don't really know where this is going and this insecurity is depressing me.

I don't know if this is too personal for a blog like this.. I just wanted to let you know.

But enough complaints! I want to show you a few things which I've done lately. :) As you can see in my pictures I wear pretty simple makeup lately. I don't really like seeing myself in this natural look. It doesn't really suit me but hopefully times will change and I will get new motivation to try and wear more makeup.

The following pictures will show you some things which I bought/got during the last weeks.

sony pastel pink headphones 

a new mobile phone - nexus 4 ♥

# valentines gift from my boyfriend # mac studio fix fluid nw10 # p2 sand style nailpolish # Lollipop Chainsaw from my boyfriend

Dita von Teese candlelight powder as an easter gift

backpack from ebay and louis vuitton bag from my mom

I really love all of these things. I wear my headphones everytime i go out. Nexus 4 is the best ever. Love my new makeup and powder, my new bags and ofcourse all the gift's I've got. Thank you so much! ♥

In the end are some more pictures of myself. There are quite many pictures i've taken... XD
Finally I dyed my hair pastel purple!♥ (It already faded away) juhuuuuuuuuuu

This time I wrote a lot about my life and I'm not really sure about doing this. I know that I asked about this in an other post already.. but do you think it's too personal to write personal themes on blogspot?

Thank you for reading my blog once again. I hope you enjoyed. ;_;

LOVE, SARA ♥